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Exclusive !!

Yes folks, we’ve succeeded where many other lesser publications have failed, by getting hold of the hottest love letters to have been stolen from someone’s shoebox under their bed this century. No expense was spared, no stone went uncovered, nothing got in our way (get on with it!! Ed.). So here they are, the Simon and Nicky love letters.

Chien Blvd
Northampton
England

2/8/91

Dear Nicky,

Hi. Remember me, Simon? We met in Minehead last week. I was with some of my mates on a cricket tour of Somerset. I was the one who stoked your breasts before introducing myself.

Haggis Street
Jock Strap
Scotland
5 August ’91

Dear Simon,

Sod off!!!!

Yours sincerely,

Nicky

Since we met, I’ve done nothing but think of you. Yesterday, I bought a set of tartan Y-fronts, and came in them as soon as I’d put them on!!

When I got home from tour, I read all about Scotland in my big picture encyclopaedia which I keep on my bedside table. I now know a lot more about the Scots, and you can rest assured that I will always think of you every time I hear ‘Danny boy’ sang at the pub.

Please write soon, love & kisses

Simon

 

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