St Michael's Cricket Club


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The Quiz

Yes folks, it’s quiz time again. Just answer the following teasers to see if you are a true St Michael’s player. Get a bad score, and we might ship you out to the Bold dragoon!! So good luck!

1. You are the club’s ‘Senior Pro’. Whilst batting one day, the opposition ask for a sub fielder. Being a jolly good egg, you offer your services. Whilst fielding at cover, one of your team mates when batting, lobs up in your direction an extreme dolly of a catch. What should you do?
    1. Drop the ball, claiming the sun, which is behind a cloud, was in your eyes.
    2. Suffer a fake heart attack.
    3. Take the catch, much to your team’s wrath and bemusement.
2. You are the club’s secretary, and are on the verge of winning the club’s trophy for best batter. You calculate with military precision that all you have to do today, during the last game of the season, is not to get out, and the trophy will be yours. The game, though, is an important one - a victory will secure promotion. The target to win is 130, and the skipper asks you to open the run chase. So how do you proceed with the run chase?
    1. Tell the skipper to p##s off!!
    2. Put the team first, and bat to victory, regardless if it means you losing your wicket.
    3. Score a mogadon-like 7 not out in 45 overs.
3. You are the club’s scorer. In The Tav after a game, you spot an attractive young lady nearby, apparently alone, at the bar. What do you do next?
    1. Ignore the damsel, and enjoy the company of your chums.
    2. Leave your mates to themselves, and offer to buy her a drink.
    3. But her a double whisky, and ask for a shag in return.
4. You are the vice skipper. When playing against the Police at Wootton Hall, you are given out to what you believe is a very dubious LBW decision. How do you react to this apparent miscarriage of justice?
    1. Accept the decision with grace, like a true sportsman.
    2. Wreck the pavilion.
    3. Eat the offending umpire for tea.
5. You are the reserve wicket-keeper, and one week when the Silver Fox is away on his hols, you go behind the stumps. You are having a good game, and feel confident in your keeping. What do you do now?
    1. Continue to play well, and don’t concede a single bye.
    2. Play like Dick, and have a ‘mare.
    3. Get far too over confident, and try to stop the next ball with your mouth.
6. You are away on tour. The team is about to go for a night on the town. Well know as a snappy dresser, do you
    1. Wow the locals in a sharp Zoot Suit.
    2. Pull the chicks in your ‘Youngstar’ tracksuit bottoms.
    3. Arouse the suspicion of the local constabulary in your 1979 drainpipes and rayon top.
7. You are the club’s umpire, and a good one at that. On tour, you receive some unwanted heckling from a tramp in the crowd. How do you react?
    1. Ignore him.
    2. Shout back, so vigorously that he puts a gypsy’s curse on you and your family.
    3. Mistake the tramp for Dick Bonney, and give him 20p for a cuppa.
8. You are the club’s scorer, and on the tour are given a rare chance to play. You have a bowl, and try some gentle off-spin. How do you bowl?
    1. Keep a good line and length, and have 3 tidy overs.
    2. Ask where these maidens are you here of in cricket are, you being a bit of a Mad Dog.
    3. Come unstuck on the third delivery, and end up popping your shoulder in a rather Statue of Libertyesque manner.
9. It is the return league match against the Police. When keeping wicket, you feel rather aggrieved that so many appeals for LBW have been turned down by their umpire. After the match, feelings between the two sets of players are running high, and there is the distinct possibility that a bought of fistycuffs could break out. Do you
    1. Use your calming influence to diffuse the situation.
    2. Pile in.
    3. Dial 999.
10. You are, without doubt, the club’s best player. And when on tour, your team mates decide to go and have a nice meal at the local Indian, what dish do you decide to order?
    1. A mild chicken curry.
    2. A mouth watering beef biriani.
    3. Scampi and chips
11. Which one of these is Brian Ahearn
  1. The fat one on the left.
  2. The ugly one in the middle.
  3. The transvestite on the right.
  4. All three

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