Yes folks, its quiz time again. We
at the SMR have been going through the memorable events that have occurred over the past
season or two and weve assembled this collection of questions to see if youve
been paying attention. So without further ado, here goes.
- You are playing against Primrose Hill. The
game is a close one, and goes down to the last over and the skipper, in his infinite
wisdom, has asked you to bowl it with the last pair in. It eventually comes down to the
last ball. You need 1 wicket to win, and they need a six. How do you bowl this most
crucial of deliveries ?
- Bowl a perfect inswinging yorker, and knock
out the leg stump.
- Bowl an awayer, which the batsman just fails
to get a touch to.
- Bowl a nice juicy long hop, which the number
11 gleefully knocks into next week. You TWAT Tony !!!
- You are playing against United Social II at
Kingsthorpe Upper School. As usual, you are keeping wicket. The skipper, whilst having a
bowl, digs in a short one, to which the batter can only get a top edge. Do you
- Allow the bowler to follow through to take an
- Coolly step forward yourself, do a couple of
back flips with a full twist, and take a cool as f##k catch behind your back with your
- Shout out KEEPERS, get out of your
blocks like a constipated hedgehog, to where the ball is going to land, but instead of
taking a straightforward catch, let it hit earth like a falling lump of seagull shit.
- Whilst umpiring in the same match, the Utd.
Social opening bowler appeals for an LBW decision. How do you react ?
- Give the decision in the bowlers favour
- it would have knocked all 3 down.
- Give the benefit of the doubt to the batter.
He is quite well forward, after all.
- As the batsman is in your Town League Fantasy
XI, shout Not out Sooty, and chuck him his sweater back.
- Its tour time again. Whilst playing
at Crayke in North Yorkshire, the batsman blasts a cover drive past your despairing flop.
Whilst giving chase, the ball starts to slow up near the boundary and theres still a
chance that you might retrieve the situation. So, what do you do ?
- Pull up short of the boundary. Hey, you might
get your whites solid.
- Dive full length, scoop the ball back just in
time, and in one motion, throw it back right over the stumps, causing a double run out.
- Slow down, then speed up again, and not having
the intelligence realise theres an open ditch 5 feet away, end up arse over tit in a
- Later that night, after the match against
Crayke, all and sundry head back to the local Ale House to sample the local hospitality.
As it gets towards closing time, the other members of the team are slowing down their
alcohol consumption, but you dismiss this move, and continue to knock it back as if
theres no tomorrow. As the minibus moves off for the long journey home, you feel on
top of the world. In fact, youve probably just had one of the best evenings you can
remember. But as the journey gets into full swing, you start to lose your exuberance, and
to tell the truth, feel quite ill. What do you do next ?
- Youre a man, godammit! Even if you feel
as sick as a parrot, youre not going to let on. So when the bus stops for the next
piss stop, you quickly run into the nearest field , and like the man you are, get it over
with as quickly as possible by putting two fingers down your throat, and throw your guts
up over a wide area, just like a slurry spreader in fact. Then back to the minibus, where
no one suspects a thing.
- Start to groan like a pregnant goat, so
forcing the minibus to stop for the eighth time in 45 minutes, and promptly throw your
guts up, and full view of your team mates in the headlights of the bus. Well, at least
its all out now, and the journey can continue.
- Say nowt. The first thing everybody else
knows about your rather unstable medical condition is when a wall of puke suddenly
envelopes the second and third rows of people behind you. But not content with one spew,
you do an encore, and so remind us all what a great bloke you are and how we all love you.
Still, at least you managed to cover Brian with a good mouthful.
- You are doing a quiz for the St
Michaels Review, and suddenly run out of things to put in it. What do you do now ?
- Take a break. Youre bound to think of
something sooner or later.
- Think of what other really stupid things Tony
Osborne has done recently.
- Give up.